Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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