Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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