i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
