I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
