She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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