Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
