If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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