how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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