what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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