Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
