my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
