it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
