I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings