Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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