if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.