God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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