if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
