Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
