Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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