I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
zippers are such a cool invention
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
