Pappa wants mamma naked
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
