Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
