She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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