why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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