Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
