big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
