i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
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Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
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This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm too high and old for this...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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