we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
