Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
