woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
