Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
