You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
