I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
