Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
