You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
