It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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