I just cut my nipple shaving
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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