I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
