i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
