put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
