I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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