i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
