Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
