Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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