How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
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okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
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I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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