She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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