Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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