when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
