It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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