That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
