dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize