the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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