is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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