I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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