i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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