she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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