So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
