I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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