just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Come on in and take your pants off
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