I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
