If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
