you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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