i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
