im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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