i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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