He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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