census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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