after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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