I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
