we're chasing vodka with high fives
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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