____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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