He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
