I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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