JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
