We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
