I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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